A rant. With the understanding that I am in a baddish mood about work and it’s making me crabby about the other things.
“Friend. One attached to another by affection (fondness) or esteem (high regard).”
Now call me old fashioned, but wouldn’t holding someone in high regard and being fond of that same someone involve some sort of interaction with them?
I’m upset. I’m upset with three people in particular, because they’ve acted as if it it is quite important to them that they remain friends with me… but not to the degree that they actually have to DO anything about it.
If you’re reading this and wondering? Then yeah. It’s you. If not? Then it isn’t. Y’all know where you fit.
I don’t mean to say that I think I’m the bestest friend in the whole wide world. I’m not. I can be a rotten friend. I can do, and have done, some lazy and self-centered and insensitive and just plain selfish things. But.
Especially in the last two years, I’ve learned to work really hard to keep my friends. Emails… IMs… phone calls… letters… visits… whatever. I am a fan of staying in touch. Because if I count you as a friend, it means that I care what goes on in your life, and I respect you enough to appreciate your thoughts on my life. I live far from most of my friends, and often we have opposite schedules. So it’s work, yeah. But if you mean that much to me, it’s worth it… not to put too fine a point on it, but you’re worth it.
And while a lot of people share this idea, it does not appear to be universal. Some of us are wondering why people have stopped trying. In a way, it’s comforting that I’m not the only one – at least I’m not a loser all alone – but it still isn’t good. After college, it is really hard to keep friends. You have to honestly work to keep those connections if you want them, and they don’t stay indefinitely if you ignore them.
If you don’t want to stay friends with someone, that’s fine, and not at all what I’m talking about. People grow apart. It’s a completely normal part of life. Sometimes whatever connected you just isn’t there anymore, and you let go. That’s not this.
This is the “oooh, we have to get together, I miss you so much” people. The ones who immediately follow that up by not doing anything. I’m sick of it. I want a friend who wants to be my friend. If you don’t, I don’t, and let’s leave it at that, and we will go on to lead joyous and productive lives. But no more of this.