Today’s Important News
Item 1. The International Federation of the Phonographic Industry, despite its outdated name, notes that one out of every three CDs on the planet is pirated. Can’t we do better than just one out of three?
Item 2. The First Family visited Africa on an AIDS-related trip this week, and saw, during their safari – and I quote from the Dallas Morning News – “cheetahs, rhinos, warthogs and a pair of love-making elephants.” HA! Elephant sex and Laura Bush? HA!
Item 3. The $261 million Powerball jackpot split between two tickets. One of the winning tickets belongs to 50-something William and Claudia Walkenbach of Missouri, who plan to replace their 30-year-old fridge and – again I quote – “finally get me a tractor with brakes.” To which initially I was going to say something snarky about rednecky Midwesterners, but really that’s awful cute.
Item 4. There will be an auction of Kennedy “relics” in New Jersey this weekend. Expected to sell for about $450 are a pair of boxer shorts with (and thrice I quote) “a ‘Jack Kennedy’ label sewn to the waistband.” Does it trouble you that JFK needed his name in his underpants?
With apologies to Karen; this entire text was originally an email to her.