Selected Rules for Living; Or, I’ve Gotten Way Too Opinionated
Do not read books from Oprah’s book club; they will invariably be depressing.
On airplanes, take the window seat and order the vegetarian meal. You not only have a nice view, but a nice cool surface to lean against and sleep; and vegetarian meals are fresher than regular meals.
Sort out as much of life as possible at the end of the day to prevent the need for any extraneous thought in the morning.
Never cut your cuticles.
Movies with Nicolas Cage are rarely a good idea.
Yes to pizza with pineapple on top; no to pizza with broccoli on top.
Sleep. Whenever possible. As much as possible.
Never wear blue eyeshadow. Ever.
Keep an up-to-date Amazon wish list because you never can tell when people will want to buy you presents.
If you tell yourself bad stuff, you’ll believe it; tell yourself good stuff enough instead and eventually you’ll get to believe that too.
Ethnic or regional restaurants that are patronized by people of that ethnicity or region will be good. Ethnic or regional restaurants that put the name of the ethnicity or region in their name (e.g., New York Bagels, Italy Pizza) will not be good.
Don’t reread what you’ve written too much, or you’ll become convinced that you’re a self-important little twit and get very sad.