Your Entertainment News Headquarters

(That’s right, bitch, me.)

Item 1: Nathan Lane out of the London production of “The Producers” (my, but that’s redundant) with slipped discs.

Editorial comment: Poor guy. Also, poor ticketholders.

Item 2: George Carlin in rehab for “wine and Vicodin.”

Editorial comment: Good for him and all, but… one, no kidding, and two, aren’t those addictions a little “Desparate Housewives” for George Carlin?

Item 3: Usher’s “Confessions” album the most-shipped of the year.

Editorial comment: I hate this album. I do enjoy calling him “Urrshurr” like Lil Jon. But if Michael Jackson and Justin Timberlake had a baby (and I’m not ruling that out) it would be Usher, and that creeps me out. And worse, now I have “Confessions” in my head and nothing makes me want to kick somebody in the shins quite like that song.

Item 4: Susan Sontag dies at Sloan-Kettering.

Editorial comment: With a Cruella DeVille hairstyle, apparently. But yes yes, she was a Very Important Writer. Even though I found her a bit dull.

Item 5: Liza Minnelli fell out of bed drunk and hit her head.

Editorial comment: Snicker.

Item 6: Britney the most-covered celebrity of the year.

Editorial comment: Clearly they do not mean “covered… by clothing.” This is where the Fug Blog comes in.