Iâ€™ve been neglecting you this week. Iâ€™m so sorry. Itâ€™s not your fault. Forgive me?
I miss you too.
I havenâ€™t been able to hear out of my right ear since I was out all day in the wind on Saturday. Do grown-ups get ear infections?
Dear English Language,
I hate it when people use â€œgiftâ€ as a verb. How can I make this stop?
If I promise to be really, really good for the next three weeks and not ask for anything ever, ever again, will the election turn out the way I hope?
Dear Guy with the Podcast on Improving Time Management,
When you tell me to shut everything off and do nothing for the next hour while I listen to you, I begin to suspect that you and I do not live in the same plane of reality. But when you tell me that your goal is to keep your inbox below 42 messages â€“ and I have SEVEN â€“ I realize that that the best time management is probably just shutting you off.
Dear News Media,
If I hear the phrase â€œWall Street to Main Streetâ€ one more time, I will not be responsible for my actions. Fair warning.
Dear Jon Stewart,
I love you.
Dear Global Economic Crisis,
The only up side I can see is that itâ€™s possible that youâ€™ll push more companies with strapped marketing budgets into social media. Poverty breeds creativity, right? (In which case, judging by my latest 401(K) statement, Iâ€™m about to bust out in some Stephen-Hawking-level genius any moment now.)
Dear Pharmaceutical Industry,
Itâ€™s okay, you donâ€™t need to figure it out anytime soon. Weâ€™ve got plenty ofâ€¦ oh wait.