APADIA 24: On the Narcissism Depression Can Create
When you assume your problems are worse than anyone else’s, and your depth is deeper than other people’s, you remove the possibility that you will not be frustrated. Of course you’ll be frustrated if that is the world you live in. Why wouldn’t you be, when others are upset by things that you believe to be less than your problems?
Fortunately, that’s not the world we live in. If you believe that it’s possible for people to have the same depth of feeling as you, you understand that while you may not have the same experiences, you can understand each other’s breadth and depth.
Otherwise, you sentence yourself to looking at the world through sardonic eyes. You miss everything that’s important. You will always be frustrated and isolated; that’s the price for fancying your pain unique.
Consider this: what if no one has broken your heart, but have broken your expectations, and in breaking your expectations, they helped you get closer to your heart. It’s still not a pain anyone would volunteer for, but perhaps it’s worthwhile nonetheless.
In some people, depression can cause this inwardness. It can hide your sense of balance. It is similar to narcissism in that it puts you into a class of your own, in which you have no comparators. It might sound lovely to feel so special – but really, it’s a prison.
If you believe yourself unlike everyone else, you’ll never really feel part of this world. You have to let go of that conviction before you can see how truly special you are just being part of this gorgeous world.